The Haxtun-Fleming Herald - What can we reason but from what we know? -Alexander Pope

These days, every new idea seems to involve the internet or a computer. That is, every new idea by everyone but me. While the rest of the world seems to think only in terms of e-mail, Web sites and Dot coms, I remain a hold out for hammer, nails, post holes and ideas that involve sweat. I’m never going to change the world with my ideas, therefore, to survive I had better join into this new way of thinking.

I’ve decided to get modern, get hep, get digital or whatever you call today’s thinking All I have to do now is figure out something I know how to do and turn it into a computer project. If that sounds simple, you’re wrong. We have a few problems here. First, I don’t know how to do many useful things. My world is cows, horses, dogs, ropes and the livestock business. I have branched out to talking on the radio and writing about ... you guessed it ... cows, horses, dogs, ropes and the livestock business. There’s not a lot of variety there, as you can see.

My next problem is even harder to overcome. When I come up with an idea to enter the world of cyber space, I find someone else has already done it. The more bazaar the idea the more people who are already trying it. Therefore I have had to abandon such wonderful ideas as E-bay for Old Bay, Cows.com and my personal favorite, a computer support group for tired old irrigators, the Wet Feet Web.

When one of these brain storms hit me, I’m usually way out in the back forty somewhere, far from pencil and paper. If I don’t forget before I get back to the house, I’ve usually refined the idea into a really wild sounding concept. My theory being, the wilder the thought, the better chance it has to be considered radical and unique, therefore, very badly needed by society. Most of these thoughts already have three hundred forty seven thousand web sites by the time I get home. Except for one.

I believe I’ve stumbled on an idea that may make me rich. It is a humane control method for the controversial prairie dog. I’m going to design a tiny computer that these highly intelligent critters can operate. Soon, every prairie dog hole will be on-line.

How will this control prairie dogs? Well, if they’re anything like humans, they’ll get so involved with their tiny computers they’ll forget how to work. Soon the old burrows will be in dis-repair and there will be no new ones. In fact, they’ll probably not have time to reproduce anymore.

If this idea takes off, we then do the same for rattlesnakes, rats and corn borers. Who knows, some day we may even apply the concept to tiny computers for politicians.