The Haxtun-Fleming Herald - What can we reason but from what we know? -Alexander Pope

It is no longer enough for a public building or sports stadium to have a simple name. Gone are the days of "Mile High Stadium," "The Meadowland" and "The Astrodome." Now we have places named after brands of beer, investment companies and potato chips.

Corporate sponsors pay big bucks to have their names attached to these structures, reducing the need for our tax dollars, I'm told. Since we are usually told these things by politicians, I really don't believe it. I do believe big dollars are involved. It's OK by me. In fact, they gave me an idea.

If this works for the big boys on their projects, why can't you and I do the same thing? If a baseball field sells lots of beer for the company whose name it bears, there are lots of projects around the ranch a corporate sponsor will be eager to jump at.

My new corrals could be sponsored by the railroad who threw away all the rotten ties I used for posts. The lumber came from shipping crates salvaged from a local glass company. Send me a few bucks and I'll gladly rename them the Gary Hodgson/ Short Line/ See Thru Glass Company/Cattle Corrals. Send me a lot of green backs and I'll leave my name off entirely. Include a little extra and I'll hang your corporate logo on the squeeze chute for all to see. Of course, "all" amounts to a bunch of thoroughly ticked off cows and a vet who will be ticked off when he doesn't get paid for a couple of months after preg checking my cows. Nevertheless, it should satisfy the need for affordable corporate sponsorship.

Next I'll be contacting the people who make the weed spray that kills everything. For a small donation, I'll use it to spray my lawn, since it's mostly weeds anyway. I'll drape their banner over the lawn mower I no longer need, proudly announcing "Hodgson's Roundup Lawn."

The possibilities are endless. How about the East Side Junk Yard/ Hodgson Cattle Company stock trailer? All four tires, two of the rims and the scrap metal to weld over the rusted-out spots all came from there. It's a natural sponsorship.

My dog could walk around with a collar proclaiming her "Tina, The Can't Save 'Em All Veterinary Clinic Border Collie." It's only a matter of time before she gets kicked by a horse again, anyway. We'll just sign their naming rights check back over to them towards the next bill.

Finally, as usual, I plan to take the idea even farther than has ever been done before. I am going to invent the concept of Un-naming rights. For a promotional fee much larger that the original naming fee, I will remove their name from my junky old corrals, dilapidated stock trailer and crippled dog, ending their embarrassment of being associated with my projects.

All that is left to do is contact the beer company who was instrumental in helping me come up with this column. I'm sure they, too, will want part of the action.