Under the Wire
The Birds and the Bees
March 4, 2020
The West, she's a changin'. New faces, new houses, new ideas. Along with these changes come new roles for us "natives."
As people unfamiliar with the area move in, we “old timers” find ourselves becoming 'guides' to living in this environment. I'm personally OK with that. If a few native Americans hadn't taken the newly arrived pale faces under their wing and taught them how to survive those first few harsh years in a new land history might have been written differently. Change is inevitable. Therefore I grudgingly embrace my new role as unofficial county agent, fence expert, pasture stocking rate guru and horse professional. In fact, its kind of nice having these new arrivals ask for my help. My old neighbors figured out a long time ago I didn't know much so I welcome the attention ... except for the birds and bees stuff.
Don't worry, parents, this is still a family column. The kids can read on. I am, however, a little baffled by the sex questions.
Our place is becoming surrounded by people who once lived in town. Unlike our country kids. Their children don't have the same grasp of basic birds and bees stuff. My kids grew up with the "cow and bull equals calf" formula as a part of their life. City dwellers get their ideas from Brittany Spears music videos, I guess.
We now get requests from mothers who would like to bring their kids out to see a calf born. That, I suppose, being the ultimate explanation of how it all works. I'll admit, at first my reaction was surprise. Why not let them learn about sex like I did, in the seventh-grade hearing off color jokes in band class from ninth grade girls. Then it dawned on me this probably was a better method. Actually my "education" began when my Father sent me down to the hay meadow to "check on an old cow" who was calving there. She probably had effortlessly given birth 12 times without supervision in the past. Nevertheless, I came away from that experience with the basic understanding most ranch kids grow up with.
This past spring, there were three different occasions I saw a car parked along the county road while the passengers watched a cow in labor. I guess the Excalibur Ranch Sex Education workshop and counseling service is open for business. Just don't expect me to answer any questions personally. According to those music videos I see on TV once in a while, there’s a few things I must not have figured out yet myself!