The Haxtun-Fleming Herald - What can we reason but from what we know? -Alexander Pope

“Come on, Honey, let’s go to the horse sale today.” I suggested to Sue the other day.

“What are you going to the sale for?” she replied. “You don’t need another horse and you sure don’t have any money to spend.”

That’s how our discussion started and it seemed like it went downhill from there.

“I know I don’t really need another horse, Sweetie,” (I always use words like Honey, Sweetie, Cutie-Pie when we have this type of conversation). “But if I found one better than some we have now, I could always sell one of ours.”

“Yea, right,” she said a little sarcastically. “That’s what you’ve said every time that you bought a new horse. Only you never sell one. In fact, all our horses stay here forever.”

“Now don’t exaggerate,” I corrected her.

“Exaggerate, @#$*,” Sue snapped. (I knew I’d pushed this too far because she doesn’t swear normally.) “There’s one horse buried on the hill you started to sell 10 years ago but he died of old age first.”

“Besides,” she went on, “I remember the last time you placed at a roping you were bragging that probably nobody in the world had better horses than you did. Now you think you’ll waltz into some sale and immediately see one that’s better? I don’t think so, Bucko.”

I was really getting in deep now because she’d reverted to name calling. I spent the next 10 minutes trying to get myself out of this one.

“OK, sweetheart, you’re right. I don’t need another horse. I am very lucky to have the ones I’ve got. It’s just fun to go look at the others. I really don’t want to buy. In fact, I’ll leave the checkbook at home.”

Usually that one works.

“OK,” Sue finally gave in, “but if it turns out you’ve got a charge account at the auction like you do everywhere else in town, you be sure the horse you buy is broke to ride because you can just get on him and ride off into the sunset, Big Boy!”

“Don’t worry, Snookums, “I promised I wouldn’t think of buying a horse without consulting you first ... er ... ever again. I’ll sit on my hands when the horses sell. I do wish you could come along, though.” (Translation: I think I can keep my promise, but it’d be easier if you were there.)

“No, thanks,” Sue said. “Why go if you really don’t intend to buy something. That just looks like a waste of time to me. Besides I’ve got other plans.”

“Oh? What are you doing?” I asked.

“The girls and I are going window shopping at the mall today.”

I knew enough was enough. I had the presence of mind to keep my mouth shut.

Note: I actually wrote this a few years back. It should be noted that I am still working on the “learning to keep my mouth shut” part. Otherwise, we still have pretty much the same system. “Right, Honey?”