Under the Wire

Just catching the slow ones

 

March 15, 2023



I guess I must be pretty easy to entertain. Most of my early morning coffee and quiet times are spent reading headlines from online newspapers. Headlines only because they want to charge me to read the whole paper. I figure the 30 or more I skim through, from ag and cattle magazines to big city newspapers all over the country would cost me about eight calves per year. Calf cost is how I keep track of expenses. I know about how many we will sell each fall and how many the bank is going to want for their share. The rest are mine to spend as I see fit. This, of course, is a bald faced lie. No way is Sue going to leave that up to me. However, at four in the morning, with not even the sun yet sharing my space, I can sit there and pretend those calves are mine to spend. I do it pretty darn frugally, too.

Anyway, back to the headlines. Headlines are an odd part of any paper, intended to get the readers eye and make them want to read the story. That’s how we writers get paid. The fun part of reading just the headline is this: The writer knew what they were leading you into but the headline they write can have a totally different meaning to someone else, such as the weirdo drinking coffee by himself at four in the morning.

This morning I may have read the best double entendre, that’s fancy talk for two different meanings, by the way, I have ever seen. I won’t name the paper since they probably have more lawyers on staff than we do, which is none, so I am always careful about that.

The headline read: “USDA Indicts Four Chicken Executives.” While the story may have targeted the poultry business, my mind went another way. “Why only four?” Just about every major corporation is led by several Chicken Executives, hiding behind a board of directors, insane salary contracts and their own fleet of lawyers. The USDA indicted four, why not 4,000, counting perhaps, some in their own ranks as well. I respect the USDA for the good it does, but do have to wonder why they were so proud of catching only four. It is open season, guys, with no limits. Why bag four and return home?

This may sound like a strange thing to write about but at four in the morning, my favorite life mantra made this “Seem Like A Good Idea At The Time.”

The next time they decide to go hunting Chicken Executives, get serious folks. You are just catching the slow ones.

 

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